a letter to myself, five years ago

Hi babygirl,

Right now, things are really hard for you. Yesterday I got into my car and the sunlight and the temperature and the time of day sent me right back to summer 2007; I put on an old playlist and just like I could remember every lyric, every change in tune, I can remember where you are right now.

I know things kind of suck. Your boyfriend A. recently broke up with you and now you’re half in love with a guy who you know can’t love you. You’re a recent graduate, fairly new in your job, and all your friends are moving away soon. I want you to remember some things: as hard as it is right now, that’s not what you’ll look back on. You’ll look back on the friendship you started with K. at work. Eventually you’ll have a falling-out, but you’re friends again now. You’ll look back on the nights out with fun friends, the ridiculous boys you kissed, and learning to be on your own.

You will fight with A., still, before finally settling into the real friendship that can come out of a breakup. You will meet a boy and begin a relationship that will help you learn committment isn’t a terrible thing – and although he won’t love you and will eventually leave, it will make room for M. to come into your life at just the right time.

You’ll learn to be your own friend, but you will eventually find places to make new ones. Although it’s hard right now with K. being the only other young person at work, you’ll go on to have jobs full of amazing people who you’ll be in touch with for years. You’ll meet a few friends online, join a service organization to meet more, and you’ll also truly believe that being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely.

As for that job? Just relax. I know you aren’t challenged. I know you could do more. It’s setting you up, however, for future success – and some really great stories. I know you hate that you’re the designated coffee-maker and stapler, but I promise you someday somebody will realize you can do more than that. You’ll have a contract job at a giant company, where you’ll meet people who will be your friends five years later. You’ll get laid off, get a horrible job where your boss is an angry tyrant, then end up somewhere amazing. You’ll spend over two years on an amazing team, but one Friday you’ll all be laid off. It’s okay, though; you’ve grown so much that you know you’ll be okay, and within a few weeks you’ll land a job that’s better than you could have imagined. And it all started at a metal company where you made the coffee.

See, that’s the thing. I know you want more for yourself; I know you’re capable of more. But the thing is? You have to grow and growing is a gradual thing. Just let life unfold, because although it may not seem like it, there are things you’ll miss someday. You will be strong and happy and although maybe you’ll struggle to be the amazing, radiant person you want to be, you’ll still be you.

So hang in there. You’ve got this, and it’s going to be a good next five years.

and you’ll be better
and you’ll be smarter
and more grown up
and a better daughter or son
and a real good friend
and you’ll be awake
you’ll be alert
you’ll be positive though it hurts
and you’ll laugh and embrace all your friends
and you’ll be a real good listener
you’ll be honest
you’ll be brave
you’ll be handsome and you’ll be beautiful
you’ll be happy

Love,
me

This post is submitted as a part of the 20SB 5th Birthday Blog Carnival, sponsored by GlassesUSA.com. Submit your own post here.

4 thoughts on “a letter to myself, five years ago

  1. I love that Rilo Kiley song. I relate to it so much! Also, I love that you weren’t all “don’t do this or that!” in your letter – it was refreshing and really positive. I loved it. :)

  2. Pingback: 5th Birthday Blog Carnival Winners!

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