Anyway, I know the Ten-Pound Challenge officially started last Monday, but that was my first day in Vegas so I wasn’t worrying about it. I ended up losing a little weight in Vegas, anyway, just from the crazy amount of walking we did (and probably the fact that I didn’t snack AT ALL because I didn’t have any snacks to eat).

I wasn’t sure how honest I felt like being about my weight. I know some people are pretty private about things like that, but my issue is a little bit less about the number on the scale and a little more about how I look. How I look is obviously visible to everyone so there’s not much for me to hide.

So. I started this challenge at about 130 pounds. That might be a lie because my scale totally sucks and I think it’s a few pounds under, but I just go with it because it makes me feel better. Right now, I’m at about 128. Losing ten pounds puts me, obviously, at 120, but I have a sick obsession with getting back to the weight I feel I “should” be, which is 112.

I weighed 112 all through high school and the first two years of college. Then I gained a bunch of weight and ended up (horror of horrors!) somewhere around 120. I’ve hovered anywhere between 120-130 ever since. Realistically, most people don’t stay at their high school weight forever. I don’t even know if I would look normal if I suddenly weighed 112 pounds again, but… I’m 5’1. That’s what I “should” weigh. Weight Watchers says I should target 107, which, really? I would look emaciated. And I’d have to replace all of my clothes and that would just be annoying, although a good excuse for a shopping trip.

So I don’t know. I know how I want to look but I don’t know exactly what number that corresponds to. I also know I want to lose at least ten pounds to get back to a weight – and body – that makes me happier and more comfortable. I’m doing it on the Weight Watchers system but with mixed feelings. When I first did WW, it was in an earlier incarnation. Then they changed it and it’s turned into a bit more of a low-carb diet, which is really difficult when you’re me and don’t eat very much meat. I don’t love the program as much, but it’s easier for me than counting calories: fruits and most vegetables are zero points and I get extra points every week to use as I wish, which are things I don’t have with simple calorie-counting.

That’s where I am currently. Two pounds down, hoping to lose eight more in the next couple months. Also hoping to finally learn the healthy way to eat but I think that’s going to be a work in progress.

It’s an awkward question when the answer is because we both have a cancer-causing genetic mutation. We tried to avoid the question; Long-Lost Soulmate Bestie finally said we’d met through a volunteer organization.

Apparently, that’s not a good enough answer for Texan dudes in Vegas bars. They joked with us that we were hiding something, that perhaps we’re actual secret lovers or met doing something scandalous.

“Well, it’s an organization that raises awareness for cancer. I didn’t want to say that because no one likes talking about cancer at the bar. See? Now no one’s talking and it’s awkward.” I was trying to make it less awkward but it failed, so one of the dudes asked, “What kind of cancer?”

“Breast and ovarian, mostly,” I told him. LLSB added that it’s hereditary cancer, and I said that we both have it in our families, with the kind of shrug that says “Meh, it sucks, but it is what it is.”

And one of the dudes, the cop who’s also never been to Vegas before, said “My wife has those genetics, too! Everyone in her family has died of breast cancer, even the men.” He said she’s tested positive for BRCA2 and is considering prophylactic surgery.

And then the world exploded.

LLSB and I both sat there in disbelief, saying “no way” and “you cannot possibly be serious”; she’s bummed for his wife while I’m mostly just shocked because I’ve never met someone out of the blue who’s been touched by BRCA. I sort of forgot people like that exist, even – I oftentimes get lost in thinking this is something that happened to just me and a few people I happened to meet after the fact. I forget that there are a lot more of us mutants out there.

We talked about it for quite awhile after, probably to the chagrin of Texas dude’s two friends. I wished the wife was there so she could know she’s not alone in dealing with this. Maybe she knows that already, but if not, I know how hard it is. LLSB and I shared our contact info at the end of the night; I doubt she’ll reach out, but we wanted to make sure she had the option.

A couple years ago, I never would’ve imagined I’d be in a bar in Las Vegas drinking with an amazing girlfriend, talking to random men from Texas, and sharing information about cancer. I never would’ve imagined I’d be feeling like I had information to share that could possibly help someone. And I never could’ve imagined I’d be doing it while laughing and smiling and feeling (mostly) normal.

I’ve never been to Vegas and now I’m here for almost a week. I’ll be doing a lot of work things (seeing as I’m here for work to begin with) and lots of going out with coworkers – most of whom I don’t even know yet. I mean, what better way to get to know your coworkers than hanging out in Vegas, right?

The coworker I flew down with and I were shocked by how different things look here. When we left Seattle, it was snowing – and sticking – and they expect up to two feet more. When we got to Vegas I almost cried: it was sunny. The cab driver had the windows open and it wasn’t cold. As much as I don’t want to move away from Seattle and leave my family and my life, I really think I am meant to be in a warmer climate.

I was also shocked by the fact that there’s a casino at the bottom of my hotel (I suppose I should’ve expected that, this being Vegas and all), a casino in the middle of the airport, rampant smokers everywhere, and how weird it is to have a hotel room alone. I don’t think I’ve ever stayed in a hotel alone before, so while it’s sort of nice it’s also sort of lonely.

Also, I really want to go to Bloggers in Sin City but this isn’t the year. For one thing, it would mean going to Vegas three times this year (I’m going to a bachelorette party in the fall). For another thing, I’d then have to explain to pretty much everyone in my life that I’m flying to Vegas to hang out with a bunch of strangers, because – oh yeah – I’ve been blogging for forever. Seeing as I still don’t talk about it, that’s not going to happen. I really want to make it a goal for next year, though. Fingers crossed?

But now the blog world is trying to lose ten pounds and I think it’s a sign. I’m officially declaring my participation!

Yep, I joined the 10-pound Challenge hosted by Newlyweds on a Budget. Lose 10 pounds in 12 weeks, win $$$. Are you in?

I’m afraid that now that I’ve put it out there I’m totally going to fall on my ass and fail. I’m hoping that since I now have something to prove – nothing like some good competition to keep me motivated! – I’ll actually do something about it. Even if I don’t win one of the drawings, it’ll be awesome to get productive about losing some weight.

Too bad I just ate a crap ton of salt & vinegar potato chips. Guess I better stop that.

But man, IT IS HARD. I had a ton of success on Weight Watchers a few years ago (of course I didn’t quite learn to make sustainable changes and I’ve gained all that weight back) and it took over three months to lose fifteen pounds. I know that’s pretty normal, but look back it feels like forever. I’m technically signed up for Weight Watchers right now, but they’ve changed the system and I don’t love it. I could be looking at it all wrong but it just seems like such a low-carb diet now, which doesn’t work for my nearly-vegetarian self. I do appreciate that fruits and vegetables are all zero points, but beyond that, I can’t get myself to love it.

I totally failed this past week. I decided on Tuesday to track my food intake, but starting a new job comes with a lot of celebratory lunches and happy hours and things, plus M. was still off work and we went out a few times. Last night was my best friend’s birthday party so of course there was drinking going on. I think I gave up on tracking on Thursday but I’d be well over my allotted points for the week.

I don’t know how to motivate myself. I don’t like how I look, but I also don’t want to be stressed and miserable and feel like I’m going without. At work, we get free catered lunches a few times a week and I don’t want to be the only person not eating – not just because I hate missing out, but because I don’t want to have to tell everyone I’m dieting and get into a conversation about that.

This week is going to be another challenge. Tomorrow night I have a Junior League meeting which includes dinner. On Wednesday I’m staying late at work for an event that involves dinner and beer. On Thursday I have dinner plans with some friends – at least then, I’ll be able to choose what I eat but I have a hard time making the right choice. I also may have dinner plans on Tuesday. Not only do all those plans impact what I eat, they impact when I can exercise – how do people fit it in when they can’t work out at lunch time?!

This is definitely a process. I want to feel healthy and I want to feel like I look healthy and, let’s be honest, kind of thin. I just don’t know the right way of going about it to see results (preferably not incredibly slowly, as that just makes me discouraged and annoyed) but not feel like I’m restricting to the point of feeling deprived.

1. What did you get for Christmas? Various things. I got a few watches, some boots and clothes, jewelry, gift cards, etc. Lots of good things.

2. Have you taken down your Christmas decorations? I did on Sunday. It’s kind of sad now.

3. What did you do for New Years Eve? I went with M. and some of our friends to the little bar down the street from my apartment. Very laid-back but pretty fun. Better than most NYEs I’ve had!

4. Do you like accents? I do! I often wish I had one instead of sounding like a total generic American.

5. What kind of television do you have? It’s a Sony something-or-other. Flat-screen, medium sized.

6. Did you make any changes at the beginning of 2012? Nothing yet!

7. What’s the last book you read and do you recommend it? I most recently read The Group by Mary McCarthy. Before it, I read A Fortunate Age which is apparently an homage/updated version to The Group. It was pretty interesting to read them that close together because I could really see how very similar they are. I’d recommend both.

8. Do you stay current on celebrity gossip? To an extent, yes. I don’t care about, like, where Angelina and Brad had dinner last night, but I do know about bigger things that happen.

9. Do you know the words to Bohemian Rhapsody? Gangstas Paradise? Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? Some of Bohemian Rhapsody, a little of Gangstas Paradise, ALL of the Fresh Prince theme song.

10. What is your favorite education television show? I… don’t think I have one. I can’t even think of any off the top of my head!

I know, I’m obviously late because it’s now been 2012 for a whole day. However, I spent yesterday being lazy beyond belief (even though my New Year’s Eve wasn’t that crazy) and never had a chance to post. I’m ready to ring in the new year, though, and I have big plans for 2012. Plans other than, you know, the end of the world. I don’t make resolutions, necessarily, but I do have a few things I hope to accomplish along with the events I’m already expecting.

In 2012, I’m going to…

Read 50 Books. I say this every year, and most years I accomplish it. This year I capped out at forty because I went through a bit of a lull with reading. I love to read and I’m looking forward to finding more books to love.

Get healthy. I want to lose weight, yes, but I’d also like to learn to live a healthier lifestyle. I wasn’t really raised to exercise or eat right and it’s still a huge challenge for me. I like to be comfortable and would rather eat comfort foods and sit around in pajamas than cook up a healthy meal and hit the gym. I know I don’t make the healthiest choices and that’s something I need to work on. Ideally, I’d love to lose 10-15 pounds but we’ll see.

Kick ass at work. I start my new job tomorrow, which is both exciting and nerve-wracking. I’m looking forward to it and I’m really pleased how well everything worked out, but it still makes me a little anxious. Who likes being new and wondering where the bathroom is or what time people take lunch or if people even leave for lunch? There are a lot of little things you don’t know when you start a new job and that freaks me out. However, I’m excited to get started and hit the ground running.

Survive a deployment. Not my own, of course. The boyfriend’s. I realized yesterday that it’s actually happening this year and that it’s going to come sooner than I think. I don’t want to say much more on the topic because I don’t want to violate any super-secret military confidentiality or anything, but… it’s happening.

Continue learning to be a good friend. That sounds weird, but I’m learning that being a good friend is a lifelong process, at least for me. Maybe it’s because I’m inherently selfish. At any rate, I’m always working on learning what it means to be a good friend, whether it’s seeking out the perfect birthday gift, being available for a crisis, or just showing up.

2011 was a great year, but I’m definitely ready for 2012 and excited to see what it has in store. I hope you are, too!

I can’t believe Christmas is in just a few days! I’ve been getting into the holiday spirit, thanks to…

Christmas coffee cups!

Tiny Christmas trees!

Pretty lights downtown!

How are you getting into the holiday spirit this year?

2. It cracks me up how on TV, when a character does something bad (drinking, drugging, whatever) one time, they suddenly become an addict. It’s a very specific type of show, generally the half-hour variety (Boy Meets World was the catalyst for this post, but I’ve also seen it on Degrassi, Saved by the Bell, and lord knows what else). I’m pretty sure that when you drink once, or smoke pot once, or GOD FORBID TAKE CAFFEINE PILLS, you don’t immediately get hooked.

3. I’m baking Christmas cookies. So what if they’re the prepackaged kind you just split apart and cook?

4. This is a fun “where are they now” post that all 90s children should read.

5. Oh, the big news! I finally told the boyfriend about the blog. Crazy, right? He thought I was sort of a weirdo – not because I have a blog, but because I kept it a secret for so long. But hey – out to one person is a great start!