I’m not “on a diet,” I’m “making a lifestyle change.”
Or so I tell myself. The reality is, I’m just back on Weight Watchers. After going from about 133 to 115 (for two seconds) to a comfortable 118, I went back to my “normal” way of eating – that is to say, overeating. In Disneyland, I suddenly realized my pants weren’t fitting as loosely, that my stomach was a little paunchier than I prefer, that I generally eat about one million times more food than I need.
Then I weighed myself. 125.
At 5’1, 125 is certainly not overweight, but it’s also more than I’m used to weighing. I weighed 112 all through high school and well into college, before a combination of medications and a thyroid condition and, yes, overeating and laziness, brought me up to 133.
The final test, though, was The Pants. A year or two ago, I bought a pair of skinny jeans from one of those teen-girl stores in the mall. It’s a store I never visit, but they were having a sale and I wanted to try out skinny jeans, and because it was a teen-girl store, I walked out with a dark-washed pair… in size nine. I have never legitmately worn a size nine, but the fact was, these size nines were even a little tight. I soon gave up on wearing them at all because I couldn’t button the things.
So. These Pants – although not Traveling Pants – are sort of the way I figure out if my body is the size I am happy with. If The Pants fit comfortably, I’m good. If not? It’s time for some work. Yesterday, The Pants did not fit comfortably.
Then I checked my email and found a message from Weight Watchers, begging me to come back to them. Enticing me with a waiver of my sign-up fee. $16 for one month? Fine, I’ll bite (better than biting into some chocolate, right?).
It’s back to counting POINTS, watching my portions, trying to exercise to get a higher POINTS allowance that day. But you know what? This time, it’s not difficult. The first time I tried Weight Watchers was in July of 2008 and I was starving and angry and stressed. I felt deprived. Now, I realize I’m not depriving myself – I don’t have to do this, and if I so choose, I can tear into an entire bag of salt and vinegar chips and eat them all. I am choosing to do this because I need to learn to eat the way normal people eat, because I care about my body, and yes, because I’m vain and want to look better. I’m making the healthy, sensible choice that most people make every day: to eat healthier, to eat smaller portions, to keep from grazing on snackfood all the livelong day.
I’m only on day two, but I’ve barely been hungry (except for normal mealtimes). It’s the easiest thing in the world, for some reason, and in a way, it feels like getting back to normal. Last night, I was even inspired to cook (lemon chicken with broccoli and rice). I’m excited to be skinnier by my birthday (the end of May). I’m excited to cook new healthy recipes. I’m not excited to spend a ton of money on Skinny Cow ice cream bars, but I’m excited to eat them for only 1 POINT.
And I’m excited to start tracking my progress with the scale – and The Pants.