One of my biggest struggles with blogging is trying to decide how public I want to be. In my daily life, I waffle between being extremely open and extremely private. Among my close friends, I’ll share anything – probably more than they really want to know. Among my coworkers, I try to keep a pretty low-profile. Among my family, I’m open, but I try to censor things a bit. I worry about being judged, about people disagreeing with my choices, about people being mean.
So, when I’m sharing the intimate details of my life on the internet, where do I draw the line? When I created this blog over a year ago, it was listed on my Facebook profile. I have no idea if anyone in my “real life” reads it; I know of one person who might, but that’s about it. Currently, I think most of my readers are internet friends from other junctures as well as fellow BRCA+ ladies who may or may not pop in.
Obviously, the point of blogging publicly is, well, to be public. But then it raises the question: while I’m pretty open to my friends reading this, do I want my family and my coworkers involved? Do I want people to be able to Google me and stumble across this blog? My first name has a unique spelling, and while my last name isn’t uncommon, there aren’t a whole lot of Krys Lastnames out there.
And the other concern is not just my current coworkers, who will eventually know about this anyway if I move forward with surgeries, but future potential employers. I have no plans of moving to a different company, but who knows what the future holds? Will future employers Google me and decide not to hire me due to the issues with my faulty genetics? I know they can’t necessarily discriminate due to my genetic makeup – but that doesn’t mean they won’t.
I’ve always written on the internet, sometimes publicly, sometimes not-so-publicly. As “privacy” becomes less and less of a thing (at least according to Facebook, who says that “no one believes in privacy on the internet” anymore or something), it starts to get a little scary. I don’t want a blog that has no readers – what would be the point? I want a magical world where I have readers and can be open and no one in my life will take issue with what I write and employers will never read it. The internet is forever, and I have to find the happy medium of sharing enough but not too much. It’s kind of tricky.
Then again, I kind of need to get over it. If I want to write a book – or be published in any way – someday, I’m going to have to be prepared for people to read what I write.