sticking my toes in

No, really. I want so much out of blogging. SO much. I want an excuse to write, a way to practice writing so someday I can write something more than a blog no one reads. I want to connect with people: other twenty-somethings, other military girlfriends/wives (it’s weird that I think of myself that way now), other BRCA+ women. I want interaction & the knowledge that someone out there is reading what I’m writing & hearing what I’m saying.

But the thing is? I don’t know how. I don’t know how to just “jump in.” Like everything else in my life, it’s scary, and I’m all too easily paralyzed by fear. Rather than try and fail, I just… don’t try. As always.

I don’t know how else to be, though. Every time I try to jump in and comment on someone’s blog, I feel like little more than a creeper. Who do I think I am, to be weighing in on this person’s personal thoughts (that, yes, they’re sharing with the entirety of the internet…) when they don’t know me from Adam? Who am I do think my input matters, or that I have anything to say worth reading?

There are so many bloggers I admire & wish I could befriend, but how do you do that? We aren’t in first grade anymore; “hi, let’s be friends!” doesn’t cut it. Every day that I read these blogs without saying anything I feel creepier & creepier, but what do you say? How to do bridge that gap?

I used to be good at this. Back in the days of my super secret LiveJournal and, before that, various diary hosting sites, it was a lot easier. People stumbled upon my high-school ramblings and wanted to read more, and at one point I had over 200 people listing me as a friend on LiveJournal. It seems a lot harder now, somehow.

It’s like there’s some invisible barrier to me making friends, both online and off. I don’t know how to break it down or get through it or climb over it.

I know I should just jump in – that’s what everyone says and how every else lives. But I can’t, because I’m too scared, still. At twenty-five years old I’m still learning to just stick my toes in, and most of the time it’s not getting any easier.

Be my friend?

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11 thoughts on “sticking my toes in

  1. Hey girl you should check out Army Love (http://armylove.ning.com/) it’s a very active forum for girlfriends, fiancees, and wives. There is someone on there at any hour and the ladies are so supportive. If you need to get anything off your chest they will listen and be there for you. The chat is great too. Come join us! And I’ll keep up with your blog. So you have one more Army girlfriend friend now 🙂

  2. Have you read fitnessista.com? She’s a military wife and she’s really inspiring. I suggest you take a look at her blog, she’s also a personal trainer so she’s got a lot of fun exercise tips and food ideas.

    I totally get you on the making friends thing. I especially have a hard time online. It’s so much harder to connect and get the conversation going. 😦 I’m in the exact same boat.

    • I haven’t read that blog but I’m definitely going to check it out! I am in dire need of exercise tips and whatnot right now, too. 🙂

      I checked out your blog – are you still in the Pacific Northwest? I think sometimes it’s even harder to make friends here than in a lot of other places. I’m a midwest native and it seems like people here are a little less open to just randomly starting up friendships and conversations with people. Online is hard too, like you said… but we can be friends! 🙂

      • Yep, I’m in Seattle. 🙂 I have noticed that it can be hard to make friends here. Though I went to college here so it’s easier for me to just start talking to people in the U-district, the shared community sort of thing. I have made friends through Twitter, people in Seattle. So that’s kinda cool.

        Yeah, let’s be friends. 🙂

  3. I used to be a lurker too – before I became a blogger – now I think it’s great to get to know the people who read mine, and those that I read. It really is a two way deal. So, I’m Teri, and I’m BRCA1+, and have been blogging about it, and life, for longer than I ever thought I would. It’s been great, and life-changing.
    Hope to get to know you better!
    Teri

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