A lot has been going on lately, and I can’t really say too much about it. In lieu of what’s actually going on, have a crappy analogy:
It’s like when you’re in a relationship and you’re both totally in love with each other, but something is possibly going to happen that will probably end the relationship – and you both know that thing is maybe happening, but are powerless to stop it and there’s a lot of uncertainty about whether it will happen or not, or when. (And this analogy kind of sucks, because obviously it’s a relationship and that’s between two people and you could conceivably choose to defy the odds and stay together… but let’s just say you can’t.) Maybe your partner is going to jail (uh, not like I plan on dating anyone who goes to jail!) or one of you is deploying and the other is trying to go do humanitarian work in some other country (a la Justin and Rebecca on Brothers & Sisters) and you won’t be able to communicate. Or whatever. Insert relationship-destroying potential problem here.
Anyway. You love this person and wanted to spend the rest of your life with them, and instead, you may or may not be getting torn apart – you aren’t sure yet if the orders will come for the deployment, or if you’ll be accepted into that humanitarian program – and until you know what’s happening, you can’t really make any decisions.
…you just know that if you’re separated, you’ll have to start moving on. And you don’t want to be blind-sided.
So you don’t know what to do, because you expected marriage and babies and love forever and now you might be sad and alone because this person couldn’t be in your life anymore. But right now, there’s a hell of a lot of uncertainty, and all you can do is wait and see because you don’t want to jump the gun and end the relationship and move on with your life if those changes won’t even come to fruition.
Basically, this terrible analogy serves to say that things in my life are really crazy, really uncertain, and really scary. My crazy-psycho-anxious side tried really, really hard to prepare! and act! and figure things out! and then my calmer, reformed-crazyperson side stepped in and said, nope, just chill. Wait it out. Cross your fingers and take a deep breath.
So I’m waiting, and I’m hoping all the worrying is for naught. I’m trying to remember that all we have is today, and that this very minute is all we can control. And that will just have to suffice for now.
[Disclaimer: this doesn’t have anything to do with my actual relationship. Things between the boy & I are fantastic, thank you!]