As you may know, I don’t use my full name on this blog. Krys is a shortened version of my name, of course, but it’s not what I go by in my daily life. My first name isn’t incredibly common, especially with my last name, so I’ve tried to keep them both away from my blog. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t write about anything I wouldn’t be comfortable sharing in real life. A lot of it is nonsense, and all of the BRCA stuff is something I’d be totally open about. I don’t generally bring it up in conversation, of course, because I worry that it’s awkward for other people. I also wouldn’t share it with an employer because I certainly don’t want to open myself up to discrimination (yes, there is GINA, but no, it doesn’t actually stop all discrimination).
Obviously I’m taking a risk by having a public blog. I’m smart enough to know that it’s still possible for employers to find me – I just feel that as long as I minimize the risk as much as possible, I’m good to go.
And then on Wednesday, a friend of mine brought up pipl.com. A group of us were at lunch – current and former coworkers – and she mentioned it. I was the only one who’d heard of it before, so when we got back to the office, one of my coworkers searched for herself on Pipl. She was freaked out by all the information out there, and it made me curious. I’d checked the site before (and oddly enough, a lot of what shows up isn’t even remotely to do with me), but this time it was different. This time, there was a link to my blog.
I don’t know how this happened and it does not please me. It’s less about future employers (because will they even check Pipl? Will they scroll down far enough? Will they care? Probably not) and more about the fact that my writing makes me feel vulnerable. I don’t post anything I wouldn’t want my family or coworkers to read – but if they’re going to read it, I’d rather they do so in the privacy of their own home and nowhere near me. I spent the rest of the afternoon terrified that someone would get the bright idea to search for me on the site, read the results, and loudly exclaim, “EITHER EAT THIS SOUP OR JUMP OUT OF THIS WINDOW?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!” and start reading aloud from my blog.
Granted, not everyone has the same intense (and crazy-making) curiosity that I do, and most people have better things to do than go around Googling and Pipl-stalking their coworkers. The likelihood of anyone coming across my blog that way is very small, but it gives me pause. It makes me reevaluate what I write here and the secrecy with which I do it. It makes me think about going completely public – that is to say, actually sharing the link willingly with people in my life.
It’s out there now, and there’s no going back. Now I just need to consider my awkward vulnerability and figure out what to do with it next.