You know those times when you just keep coming back to a thought, over and over and over again? Like something is nagging at you, begging to be heard, even if you just want to scream at it to shut up?
I’ve been having one of those times lately. Sometimes it’s a brave yet fleeting thought of “It’s totally not weird that I have a blog and I should just ‘come out’ about it already!” and envisioning myself just saying “I have a blog” to people in my life. Other times it’s the very sad-pants realization that there are people who get thousands of hits per day and I’m lucky if I get ten (followed by the realization that if I weren’t so secretive about it, I, too, could have actual readers).
And sometimes it’s something else altogether. I read an article recently about social media and the job hunt, in which the author mentioned needing to be careful posting about a breast cancer walk lest prospective employers think she has cancer. I’ve been searching and I can’t find the post, but my realization was that it’s a very real thing for me to worry about how my blog could affect a job search. I mean, who would want to hire someone with a genetic mutation that increases their cancer risk to 87%? I mean, that’s huge and scary and sometimes people with cancer miss work.
But really? While it might be a real issue, what I discovered is that I don’t care. I don’t want to work for a company that would refuse to hire me because of something like that; for one, it’s illegal, but it’s also generally crappy. It isn’t something I can spend my life worrying about.
And when you add repeated thoughts about wanting more followers and less secrecy to thoughts about womaning up and not being a closet blogger – and then throw in a little devil-may-care attitude about the world judging me on things out of my control – it starts to add up to just sharing the blog already.
And then TJ linked to my post about being an introvert. Shared it on Twitter, to be exact. And people read it and they liked it (and they shared it!) and it sort of proved my point that in order to be heard, you have to be loud. Speaking at all is a good first step.
My fear, the one that really and truly stops me from being more open, is the fear of judgment. The idea that people in my life would type my URL into their browser and start reading my blog aloud to point out how stupid it is. That they would do this in front of me and ask questions and embarrass me. I don’t know how to get over that or if it’s just something I have to deal with and jump in head first.