head full of doubt, road full of promise

Making decisions is not my strong suit. It never has been. I don’t struggle (much) with figuring out which cereal or coffee creamer to buy in the grocery store, but when it’s a matter of importance that would impact the rest of my life? It’s like I can’t even move.

I think most people, those whose issues don’t tend toward the generalized anxiety disorder and OCD end of the spectrum, can’t relate. Making a choice is hard, but it’s not terrifying. They don’t feel like it’s impossible to take a step forward or backward or even stay in the same place.

One of the worst things is when you’re given a choice that you know, intellectually, is good. Maybe it’s not empirically The Right Choice, but it’s a choice worth paying attention to. But then you would be giving up something else, changing something without knowing which way is right.

I haven’t yet figured out a way to combat this decision-anxiety. Pro and con lists don’t help because I can never weigh the most important things. “Going with my gut” isn’t a thing that exists in my world. What it comes down to is learning to embrace the uncertainty, to accept that we can never know without a doubt that something is right, and learning to live with that.

It comes down to accepting that there are no right or wrong decisions. There are just the decisions we make, all of which have their own unique consequences and are good in their own right.


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