& all the stupid lies I hide behind;

I wish more people would talk about the things people don’t talk about. I think the world would be a better place if we could all realize we’re not alone, we’re not crazy, we’re not weird.

I’ve been dealing with a lot lately, but it’s the kind of thing you don’t share with people. You might share it with people who get it, people who have been there – but you don’t tell anyone else.

Obviously, I’ve had to deal with BRCA stuff as usual. Close friends know about it, and although I can’t really say they understand, they’re working on really learning how it affects me and what it means to me. My other mutant friends get it, of course. But other than that, it’s not something I can just bring up to, say, my coworkers. If I’m having a bad day, I just need to keep it to myself because you don’t talk about medical problems in pleasant company. You especially don’t when the medical problems involve your breasts.

And then there’s the even harder one – anxiety. Anyone who reads this blog should know by now that I have a touch of the crazy. What’s worse is that my anxiety manifests itself in… special ways. The things I struggle with are hard to talk about, yet I happen to know a lot of people struggle with similar issues. But it’s not something people talk about. Those of us who have issues like this keep it hidden and feel like freaks. We’re afraid to mention it for fear of how people will react or the misguided advice they’ll give us.

Some days, this stuff is really, really hard. I process things by talking about them, but what do you do when the things you need to process are things you can’t talk about? I wish people could be honest about the fact that they struggle; everyone is going through something and I think we’d all feel less alone if we could just start sharing a little more.

3 thoughts on “& all the stupid lies I hide behind;

  1. Agreed. In my situation there are things I don’t talk about because they have to do with my husband’s family, and that’s basically out of bounds. The one time I did write something (with his permission and edits), I got completely lambasted by his aunt. I haven’t mentioned it since, even though it is a looming presence in our daily life.

    On the other hand, for issues not involving other people, I’ve seen again and again, both on my own blog and others, that when people admit to personal struggles they find way more support than they expect. I’ve found the blogosphere to be much different than “real life” in that people DO often talk about their struggles and find support in those who are struggling in the same or similar ways. The trick is that it takes overcoming the fear of negative opinion to put out there what others may need to hear, and sometimes that’s not an obstacle we can get over.

  2. Oh, man. I can completely relate with you on this post. I’ve been dealing with anxiety for a long time but it’s something I don’t talk about much, especially not with the people I work with. A part of me is scared to talk about finding a therapist for fear of how I’ll be judged. And I think that’s total crap. But when I do speak up and start naming my issues, I find so much support, so many people who can relate to me. It’s hard and scary and difficult, but it must be done because the more we keep quiet, the more people suffer. Including ourselves.


  3. “I wish people could be honest about the fact that they struggle; everyone is going through something and I think we’d all feel less alone if we could just start sharing a little more.”

    I don’t really have anything to add other than you are so right. Thanks for saying it.

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