I know a lot about really stupid things. With the amount of ridiculous, useless information filling my head, it’s a wonder I can ever think of anything important. It’s a wonder I even remember how to read.
When I say “stupid things,” I mean that I know Justin Bieber had a monkey and abandoned it in Germany. I know who won the last three seasons of The Voice even though – to the best of my knowledge – none of them have done much with that win. I could probably win a trivia contest about Boy Meets World or Degrassi; I’ve seen every episode at least once, probably twice. I know that Kara DioGuardi is BRCA2+ and can tell you all the other (known) BRCA positive celebrities if you ask. I can tell you the heights (or lack thereof) of Shakira and Seth Green. I can tell you how tall Jason Segel is. Even as I write this, my mind is screaming why do you know this?!
I always know the weird news: that our settlers were probably cannibals, that bath salts are a hell of a drug, and what’s happening with the FBI’s Most Wanted list. I could tell you the stories of most of the public face-transplant success stories and more detail than you need about the Amish, FLDS, or Quiverfull religions. I can talk ad nauseum about Amanda Knox and the West Memphis Three.
A lot of people know me as the font of strange – if not useless – articles. I tend to share them in our group chat at work and email them to friends and family. What, you haven’t heard that redheads may all be related? Don’t worry, I’m here for ya!
It’s not that I don’t think current events are important; in fact, I find most of the weird things when trying to figure out what’s happening in the world. And, let’s face it, I read a lot of celebrity gossip.
And I’m good – really good – at figuring things out. If someone says “I wonder what other movies this person was in?” I’m already on IMDB looking it up. If someone wants to know the distance from Point A to Point B, I’ve already pulled it up on my phone. I’m fast. I know the internet like the back of my hand, so finding information – helpful or otherwise – is second nature.
One of these days, maybe I’ll retain more useful knowledge, but being able to spout off crazy stories and obscure events (with a healthy mix of weird celebrity news) is one of my few talents. It’s just what I do.
This post is brought to you by the Blog Every Day In May Challenge.